I didn’t want to say anything. But deep down inside, I knew this day would come eventually.
You see. I’ve tried to ignore it. I’ve turned the other way when the straight-leg jean started making its appearance in stores. I averted my eyes from the dreaded skinny jean. I ignored the leggings, knowing there was no hope that I would ever be able to wear them anyway.
But I’m a slave to fashion. And I can’t ignore its evil, cyclical ways forever. I saw it coming a few years ago when they brought back the goucho. We were headed down a very bad path that could only lead us straight back to the one fashion decade I sword I would never revisit: the 80s.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold my ground forever. And in this case, it was really about the boots.
And my closet full of boots was starting to seem kind of pointless when they were always hidden underneath my boot-cut jeans. Tucking the wide stretches of fabric into the boot was pointless. It couldn’t be done.
Unless, of course, I had…
Dare I say it…
Some… a-hem… stirrup pants.
It’s true. And with a long sweater and some tall boots, I wouldn’t look THAT fat, would I? I mean you can only really see the pants for about 12 inches between the top of the boots and the bottom of the sweater.
And yes. I know I do look a little like an English woman getting ready to mount her horse. I just need one of those equestrian sticks. What on earth do they call those things?
I have a very firm belief that I hold tight in the depths of my being: Most women look their best in a wide-leg trouser. No one looks good in a tapered leg. Not even a supermodel. And the only thing worse than a tapered leg is stirrup pants.
But it had to be done. Fashion was calling, and I had to answer. They are mine. The pant with the removable stirrup. Just feeling that stretch of elastic under my foot makes me want to break out into a Boy George song. “Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cr-y-y-y?”
Now, all I can do is hope and pray that no one in the fashion industry gets the bright idea to bring back the knickers.