There’s one thing I always say about pregnancy: It’s a good thing women forget how miserable it is or no one would have more than one child.

Of course, I’m being sarcastic. I know that pregnancy can be a beautiful and wonderful experience for a lot of women. I actually love the three months in the middle. But the third trimester feels like the longest year of my life. And that’s not good, considering I’m only a couple weeks into it.

If you’ve ever experienced the third trimester, then your mind probably blocked out all of the aches and pains that came with it. I know mine did. Now, all of those repressed memories are coming back like a flood.

Every week, I take a minute to read about “what I should expect this week” on babycenter.com. They always have some good advice.

For example, this week, the writers tell me that if I would like to avoid some of those unmentionable aches and pains, all I need to do is try not to spend long periods of time standing or sitting down.

Well, I can only walk for about three minutes, so I guess my only option is to lie down. All day. Perfect. I’m sure that will work just fine.

On top of that, I keep making the mistake of reading all of the updates on how dangerous the H1N1 virus can be to pregnant women, especially in the third trimester.

The Centers for Disease Control is recommending that pregnant women get the vaccine both for the regular flu and H1N1. I am reluctant because most of the vaccines contain Thimerosal, a preservative that contains Mercury.

The medical community says Thimerosal is safe both for children and unborn babies. However, families affected by autism believe that the preservative is the reason for the dramatic rise in autism over the last couple of decades. They advise against getting an immunization that contains the preservative.

Regardless of whether Thimerosal is directly linked to autism, it just doesn’t sound healthy to me to inject my body with Mercury. Call me crazy.

So, that leaves me with the other option suggested by the news reports. I can just stay away from all people.

My 8-year-old had to go to my doctor’s appointment with me today, and he heard me discussing the issue with my doctor. Later my son gave me a good piece of advice.

“Just make sure you don’t use handrails, Mom. That is where you are going to get a lot of germs,” he said. “If you feel like you need to use a handrail, then you could try doing the crab walk.”

All-righty then.

Lie down. Avoid human contact. And when necessary, do the crab walk.

I think this will work.

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