As of today, I have exactly three months until Baby Girl will enter the world. Ah. The beauty of a scheduled C-Section.

I want to write something really sweet about how much we can’t wait to meet our new family member. And I also want to write something funny about how the kids try to yell messages to the baby through my belly button and then try to line up their ears directly over the belly button to hear the answer.

But first… I was wondering if you all would like to hear me whine?

I mean, really?? What is more pleasant than hearing a pregnant woman whine continuously about all of her aches and pains? You are dying to hear it, aren’t you?

You do have to admit, that the last trimester of pregnancy is filled with some of the most unmentionable bodily malfunctions that women experience in the first to middle half of life. Fortunately, I had forgotten about some of these horrifying aches, or I would have spent at least ten times as much time dreading month #7 as I have up until now.

And the problem is, you really can’t just mention in casual conversation that all of the muscles in the lower half of your body feel like they are being pulled apart by a giant torturing device. It’s just not socially acceptable.

Even when my midwife asks me how I’m doing, I still smile and tell her everything is perfect.

“You are way easier than… um… most of my patients,” she stresses over and over again in such a tone that I wish she would go ahead and add “most of my NORMAL 25-YEAR-OLD patients who aren’t old enough to be a GRANDMA, AND IT’S A MIRACLE YOU CAN EVEN GET OUT OF BED!”

So, I was thinking that maybe once a week or so, I could just set aside a time here on the blog when I could write down all that’s hurtin’ me. And then you readers would know in advance just to skip reading that whole post and go straight to the comments and say something like, “Hope you’re feelin’ better today.”

And then I would believe for a few minutes that someone actually cares that I have to wake up every time I want to flip over in bed because my stomach is so heavy, except that I’m awake anyway to go to the bathroom, and then I would feel better because of all of the sympathy.

Whaddaya think?

(Smile and nod. Smile and nod.)

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