Mom, is that a dust mop? Because there was this guy and he found out after years of research that dust mops and vinegar can dull your floors. Regular mops scatter the dust all over your floors, but his mop doesn’t scatter the dust. It picks up every last thing. It puts four layers of protection on your floors, so you still might want to clean it, but it won’t ever dull it. It doesn’t shoot water everywhere, it just shoots straight where you’re going to clean.
**

A few months ago, we canceled our satellite TV, and we put an antenna on top of our house.

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Mom, your plants… they’re dying, OK? You need the Aqua Globe. You put water in it and then you put it in the soil and then for two weeks you won’t have to worry about your plants. It will take out all the oxygen and return it with the water inside your globe. It’s better than just hosing or watering. There’s no dripping or cleaning up at all. It will save you a lot of work. You won’t even have to worry about your plants for two weeks.

**

Now the only kid’s channel that we get is called Qubo. The kids love this channel. And I don’t mind it because they actually broadcast Veggie Tales shows and 3-2-1 Penguins!

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Mom, you could really use some Space Bags. They don’t let bugs or dirt go into the bag. When you take out the clothes they are just like they were the day you put them in. It keeps out bugs, dirt, moisture, water, insects, everything. It has four layers of protection, just like the mop.

**

But all of the commercials are “As Seen on TV” advertisements. No sugar-coated cereals. No vacations in DisneyWorld. No action figures, Barbies or Fisher Price. Only these extra special items that can be purchased with a phone call. And you must call now.

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I really, really, really want some Bendaroos. You can bend them. Make them into a shoe lace. You can write your name with them, make them into fashion models. You can decorate with them. Bend them into a picture. Do the connect the dots. You can make clothes for your action figures. And they come with 5,000 of them, and you get two bags for free. You can straighten them again and use them over and over again. Please, Mom, please, can I have some Bendaroos?

**

My kids love these ads. They recite them to me everyday. If I only had that thing that goes in the toilet, I could throw away my toilet brush for good.

The kids would never have to go on another shoe hunt if we had the shoe organizer. It will even organize our socks. My life would be so much easier.

Short on cash? No problem.

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Mom, do you have some gold sitting around that is just collecting dust? You can get the Gold Envelope. It’s where you find gold that you don’t want, and it’s just collecting dust. You get their envelope and you put it in the envelope that they send you. You put it in the mail and the mail man or girl will pick it up and sell it to them and they will give you the cash.

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It’s amazing what you can get for only $19.95. But for a limited time, it’s only $14.95. And if you order now, you will receive an extra gift, absolutely free. That’s right. Free. But you MUST. ACT. NOW.

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Mom, these can’t be found in stores. You have to call right now. You have to use the number that is on the screen. Except for the Aqua Globe and the Space Bags. We found those in two different stores. You have to look hard, but you can find them in stores, Mom, you really can.

**

So, today, in honor of April Fool’s Day, for a limited time only and if you call right now, you can have it all. That’s right. All of this.

But wait, there’s more…

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For more funny posts in honor of April Fool’s Day, visit Chocolate on My Cranium.

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